Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
