yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
