I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
