he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
