Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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