I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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