I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
