so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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