I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
