She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
