Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
