Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
