Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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