So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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