Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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