party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
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