Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
