I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
