I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
