He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So squirting runs in the family.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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