Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
