im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
