His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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