you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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