I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize