I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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