how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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