and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize