She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
