i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
