we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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