Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize