And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
