Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
