I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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