beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
