I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
