Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize