I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
