so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
