well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
