Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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