You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
