There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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