OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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