So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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