It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize