I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
