Taylor Swift is so right about you.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
