I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize