How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
