The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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