"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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