There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Never underestimate the power of titties
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
