The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
