you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
