she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
