Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
