Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
