How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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