you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
