I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
