If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
