I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
