now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize