Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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