She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
