Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
