We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How naked do you want me to be?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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