I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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