This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
