perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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