I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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