So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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