living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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