My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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