I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
