she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
