So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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