he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
