In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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