i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
