My first STD was from a foam party
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
