There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
