I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
did i walk over a car last night?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize