I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
