I got chris browned last night
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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