I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
