where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
