do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wear drunk well.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
