i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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