Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
