my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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