I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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