I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
