my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
