The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
