so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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