I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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