I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
