Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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