So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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