I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
