I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize