I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
