No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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